How regret makes us stronger

Three steps to make the most of regret

View this email online Kiersten Essenpreis for NPR Friends, Regret gets a bad rap. There’s a lot of power to be found on the spectrum of negative emotions. We talk about finding the beauty in grief, the upside of anger, even the power of good anxiety. But regret? She’s most often paired with the word “no.” As in: don’t know her, don’t like her, don’t want to be around her, “None for me, thanks!” And who could blame us? No one wants to revisit moments of shame or heartache. No one likes to be reminded of bad decisions (ahem, that time in middle school I decided cutting my own bangs was an awesome idea).  But Daniel Pink, a journalist and the author of The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward, says that’s exactly what we should do.  “Regret, you don't want to wallow in it. You don't want to ruminate over it. But if you think of it as a signal, as information, as a knock at the door, it is a powerfully transformative emotion," he says. Listen to the episode Pink  surveyed regret all over the world, ultimately receiving tens of thousands of stories. He found all of our regrets can be compiled into four basic categories:  Foundation regrets – not setting yourself up for success Moral regrets – doing the wrong thing Connection regrets – “If only I’d reached out!” Boldness regrets – chances not taken Pink’s research showed that boldness regrets, or regrets of inaction, outnumber regrets of action 2 to 1! That means, “We plan too much and act too little,” he says. Newsletter continues after sponsor message How to make the most of regret So this week friends, let’s learn from our regrets – and then be bold! Sign up for that marathon, call up that far away friend, fire up those dating apps and don’t waste time on finding a "perfect" decision.   Here’s a breakdown of how to make the most of regret: Look inward: Reframe how you think about regrets – and practice self-compassion. Look outward: Practice disclosure. Talking or writing about your emotions can help make sense of regret. Move forward: Extract a lesson from your regret. One way to do that is to imagine making a phone call to yourself in 10 years. Ask yourself about your choice, "Should I buy a blue car or a green car?" You'll quickly see that the future you doesn't care. "Should I go to this funeral or reach out to a friend?" You'll see that the you of 2032 will be bugged by the fact that you didn't do those things.  In reflecting on our regrets, we can better understand our values, says Pink, because within all of our past mistakes are lessons for our present and potential for our future.  We might stumble along the way, but if we do, we’ll be better for it. No regrets? No, regrets! –Andee Tagle, Life Kit producer 💡 What's a hack that's changed your life? 💡   Send us a note at LifeKit@npr.org or leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823. Your life tip could appear on an upcoming episode of Life Kit or in our video series on Instagram!   Thanks for reading! Look out here for next week's episodes on: 🔢 Taxes |🍳 Korean-American cooking | 🌱 Gardening Stream your local NPR station. Visit NPR.org to find your local station stream. What do you think of today's email? We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions and feedback: LifeKit@npr.org Enjoying this newsletter? Forward to a friend! They can sign up here. Looking for more great content? Check out all of our newsletter offerings — including Daily News, Code Switch, Health and more! You received this message because you're subscribed to Life Kit emails. This email was sent by National Public Radio, Inc., 1111 North Capitol Street NE, Washington, DC 20002 Unsubscribe  |  Privacy Policy