We’re getting closer to the summer and my friends and family, one after another, are starting to move to a different neighborhood, a different city or state. Some permanent, others just for the season.
Making friends in a new place feels challenging – I’d thought by adulthood, this would all come naturally, but even after finishing school and moving to Brooklyn two years ago, none of this has gotten easier.
Alert your network! Tell your friends, family and co-workers that you’re moving and looking to meet new people. Make sure to communicate what kind of connections you’re looking for, like someone to show you around town or another parent with school-aged kids.
You can also use this time to research if your favorite bar or bookstore has another branch or sister location. You’re looking for any place that feels like a natural extension of your everyday.
🏃♀️ Incorporate more routine into your day
Do you go on a run every morning? Try running at the same park for a week. Soon you might start noticing people in your neighborhood, who Danielle calls “familiar strangers.” And even if you never have a chat, their presence will help you feel more at ease.
You could also get that feeling by finding a “third place” for yourself that isn’t home or work – like a bar where the bartender knows your order or a library with a librarian with the best book recommendations. Research suggests these casual social ties, however small, play an important part in our well-being.
📚 Scope out interest groups
Group settings like interest or identity-based communities are also helpful for meeting new people. For a safe bet, Danielle recommends book clubs where there's a set agenda about what to talk about. Even better, they have recurring meetings, so you can avoid the awkward ask for a follow-up hangout.
You may be tempted to bail after your first meeting, but Danielle reminds us that for recurring interest groups, it’s crucial to commit to showing up more than once, ideally at least three times.
🤝 Focus on the connection, not the friendship
You might feel uncomfortable sharing your true preferences with a new friend – like saying yes to drinks at a noisy pub, when you’d much prefer a quiet dinner. And as someone who is conflict-averse, I get it! But Danielle says being honest and open is key to adult friendships: it’ll make meeting people with similar interests and energy levels easier.
For our introverts, only say yes to the invites you know will bring you joy and focus your energy on one-on-one interactions. It’s not about how many people you interact with; it’s about finding the ones you connect with.
It may take some time, but a new friend will soon become a lasting one. You’ll find your comfort places in town, run into familiar strangers and invite friends to join anywhere you are. Good luck!
– Janet Woojeong Lee, NPR Ed Producer
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What are your tips for making friends in a new place? What helped you build community after a move? Email us with your full name by Monday, May 22. We may feature your response in an upcoming newsletter or on our website.
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