📢 Caregivers need care, too

Also, experiment with your personal style

View this email online Minnie Phan for NPR Hi y’all, Did you know that 1 in 5 Americans — more than 50 million people — are unpaid caregivers?  That number includes my parents. They look after my twin brother Jackson, who is on the autism spectrum. He’s one of my favorite people in the world, and in some ways he’s independent. He can order at a restaurant, he can feed the family dogs and he can play Uno — and win, might I add. And… he needs a lot of support with things like regulating emotions, managing money, everyday hygiene and grocery shopping. Life for my mom and dad is fundamentally different from their non-caregiving peers. It requires a different kind of planning, patience and care. After 30 years, my mom reports that her caregiving is manageable and often joyful, but hearing stories of her experience as a young parent makes me realize how much caregivers have to make it up as they go. My brother didn’t speak until he was 5, when my mom finally found a speech therapist who was able to help him. Before getting there, she talked to a dozen different doctors and took it upon herself to start learning ASL … all while co-parenting four other kids. There are so many different kinds of unpaid caregivers, but one thread that connects them is that these folks take on a lot of responsibility (and often stress), and don’t always get the support they deserve. This week on Life Kit, reporter TK Dutes talks about caring for caregivers. The advice she gathered is for caregivers themselves, but it’s also helpful for people (like me) who are trying to support those folks. 🧠 Know that you are trying your best and nobody is a perfect caregiver. Be gentle with yourself. 🤝🏻 Let other people help! Ask for specific things from your community. If you’re part of that community — think proactively about how you can pitch in. 🏢 If you have a job on top of caregiving, have frank discussions with your employer about how you can be supported at work. Find out if your state laws or workplace policies offer paid or unpaid leave.  🎨 Make time and space for yourself non-negotiable. It might be cliché but truly, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Newsletter continues after sponsor message The Carney Family Twins Julia and Jackson, around age 2. That last one makes me think about my mom. When all five kids were young, she would take bubble baths with the bathroom door locked; otherwise we would barge in — even with dad on guard duty. Talking to her for this newsletter was special, and it reinforces one of my favorite ways to support her and my dad: taking time to listen. Caregivers are a part of our lives, whether we know them, are them, or get help from them. I love how TK’s episode centers those people. So go thank a caregiver! Or better yet, offer a concrete way to help. Have a great weekend, y’all, — Julia Carney, NPR Podcast Coordinator   Listen to the episode Access Sponsor-Free Episodes Want to support our show? Try a subscription to Life Kit+ and get all the tips and tricks you love sponsor-free! Learn more at plus.npr.org/lifekit.  Learn More More episodes on taking care, from Life Kit: "Showing up is the act of bearing witness to people's joy, pain, and true selves," says Rachel Wilkerson Miller. What to say when a friend is struggling. Six strategies to take care of a loved one when they get sick unexpectedly. Research shows that suicide is preventable. How to help someone who might be at risk. Boundaries are different for everyone, and they evolve over time. Protect your energy and set healthy boundaries at home, at work, and in relationships. 🧢 ICYMI: how to find your personal style 👗 LA Johnson/NPR Personal style is an ongoing journey of discovery, experimentation and fun. Here are a few tips from Life Kit (there’s also an illustrated guide!).    Take inventory of what you have. Ditch what you never wear, or consider going to a tailor. Create a shopping philosophy. What pieces make you feel most like yourself? Don’t be afraid to break fashion “rules.” Who says you can’t mix silver and gold jewelry? Invest in basics, especially pieces made of materials that will last, like silk and linen.    “Being able to tell the difference between liking an item and liking it as part of your wardrobe is a level 10 styling hack.” — Ruby Redstone, fashion historian What you like and don’t like will change, and that’s OK! Pay attention to what makes you feel good.   “The only rules are your rules, baby. Each of us has our own beauty. You have to divest from caring about what other people think about you.” — ALOK, artist Listen to the episode Coming up on Life Kit: 🦷 Caring for your teeth 🩸 Talking about periods  💻 Advice on a tricky work situation  We love hearing from you! If you have a good life hack, leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823 or email us at LifeKit@npr.org. Your tip could appear in an upcoming episode. Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. You can find more of our digital stories here. And if you liked this newsletter, share the love and forward it to a friend. 🥰  Stream your local NPR station. Visit NPR.org to find your local station stream. What do you think of today's email? We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions and feedback: LifeKit@npr.org Enjoying this newsletter? Forward to a friend! They can sign up here. Looking for more great content? Check out all of our newsletter offerings — including Daily News, Code Switch, Health and more! 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