End-of-life planning is a tough subject. Here’s how to talk to your parents about it

Plus, how to talk to kids about the violence in Israel and Gaza

View this email online This week’s newsletter is brought to you by Life Kit producer Clare Marie Schneider   RichLegg/Getty Images Do your parents have a will? Do you know where and how they want to spend the last years of their lives?  These can be big, tough questions to ask your parents. But financial journalist Cameron Huddleston recommends having that conversation with them sooner rather than later. She was 35 when her mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Trying to ask her mom about her financial situation and end-of-life plans while she was showing signs of memory loss was a challenge. "When there's an emergency, it's a lot harder to have a rational conversation," she says. "Your emotions are all over the place." Read the story That’s why it’s important to talk to your parents about these things early, says Huddleston. Ask them about their plans for retirement, how they will pay for health care if they get sick and what will happen to their property (if they have any) when they die.  Huddleston, author of Mom and Dad, We Need to Talk: How to Have Essential Conversations with Your Parents About Their Finances, explains how to broach the topic with your parents — and what to prepare.  📄 Get a sense of your parents' end-of-life plans Your parents might be hesitant to open up about their finances with you. For a long time, you were the child — and they were your caregivers. So Huddleston recommends asking for advice as a way into the conversation. Start with a question like: I just had my first child. Should I set up a will? Or, I just started a new job. Should I be taking advantage of a workplace retirement plan? "Their answers are going to give you clues about what sort of planning they might have done in their own lives,” she says. For example, if they suggest you draft up a will, that's a good sign they likely have that document written for themselves. On the other hand, if their advice is to forgo a 401K, that's a red flag. It might make you wonder whether they've prioritized saving for retirement. You might probe a bit deeper by saying, "Maybe this is something we could look into together," says Huddleston. Hopefully, this gets them thinking about the topic more for themselves. 💻 Get access to their passwords Suppose there's an emergency and you need to log into a parent's bank account or contact their doctors through their medical portal. You don't want to waste time hunting down their usernames and passwords, says Huddleston. So ask your parents to list relevant passwords, store it somewhere safe — like a password manager — and tell you how to access it. 💞 Prepare for long-term care There may come a time when your parents aren’t able to perform everyday tasks like bathing, cooking, cleaning or taking their medications. They may need extra help at home from a caretaker or to move into an assisted living facility.   But this long-term care can be expensive. The AARP has an online calculator that you can use to find the cost of different types of care in your area. For example, ten hours of assistance from a home health aide in Lakewood, Calif., costs about $2,666. And assisted living costs about $5,250 a month. A long-term care insurance policy can help soften that blow, says Huddleston. It works much like home or auto insurance. You pay premiums and make claims if you ever need covered services like adult daycare or a room in a nursing home. She recommends that people start investing in them when they’re in their 50s or early 60s, as the premiums grow as you get older. "These are not cheap, but they're a heck of a lot cheaper than the monthly cost of assisted living or bringing [a caretaker] into the home," she adds.   Help your parents with their end-of-life planning Planning ahead: More episodes from Life Kit Cha Pornea for NPR How to save for retirement It's never too early to start putting away money for retirement. In this episode, NPR's Chris Arnold decodes what you should know — from retirement account options to strategies for saving. Read the article here.   Maria Fabrizio for NPR Why writing a will is a 'lifetime gift' to loved ones Talking about death makes many of us uncomfortable, so we don't plan for it. But the reality is that even a small amount of planning ensures our final wishes are honored — and makes it easier on our family and friends. This episode will help you get started on making a will and an advance directive, even if you don't have a big estate. Read the article here.   Newsletter continues after sponsor message Listen Sponsor-Free Support public media while getting expert advice on health, finance, relationships and more with Life Kit+. You'll get sponsor-free listening AND that warm fuzzy feeling that comes with making a difference. You can also check out loads of other NPR+ podcasts with benefits at plus.npr.org. Explore Life Kit+ This week on Life Kit Mohammed Abed/AFP via Getty Images How to talk to children about the violence in Israel and Gaza Last weekend, militants from the terrorist group Hamas killed more than a thousand people, including children, in an attack on Israel while also taking hostages. Israel has ordered a full siege of Gaza, where nearly half of residents are under 18. The news may be alarming for children, who may have questions about why other children are among those affected and whether they are safe. Here’s how to discuss this tough topic with your kids. Read the article and listen to the episode here.   Left: Photograph by Thomas Farnetti; Right: Penguin Random House How to actively heal from an injury or illness If you're recuperating from an illness or injury, it's normal to not feel like yourself. Your body needs time to heal so you can get back to your regular activities. Dr. Gavin Francis shares practical tips on how to decide which activities to spend your energy on, and pacing yourself while still testing your limits. Listen to the episode here.       zf L/Getty Images Can I afford to totally change my life? Longing to quit your job and follow your passion? Or take a break to travel or move to a new place? First, you'll need to look at your finances. In this episode, Jill Schlesinger, a financial planner and business analyst for CBS News, walks through her five steps for assessing your financial situation before making a life change. Listen to the episode here.   We asked, you answered Last week, we asked NPR’s audience to respond to this social dilemma from our advice column Dear Life Kit: "We drive eight hours round trip to see my in-laws. When we arrive, my mother-in-law wants to know why we didn't bring anything for dinner."  Here are some of your thoughtful (and witty) reactions to this situation.    Just say: because we’re taking you out to dinner! Where would you like to go? —Jackie Spencer In the future, I’d discuss and make a plan for dinner in advance. —Becky Lewis Johnson First off, let their child deal with this. They could say, “Oh gosh! I didn’t know we were supposed to bring dinner. Is there someplace you can call for delivery? We are pretty exhausted from the trip.” —Evelyn DePalma I always ask "What can I bring?” —Sue Hudnut  Say, “Sorry Mom and Dad, we already ate on the road since we were getting here so late. We figured you would have already eaten too.” —Lisa Kothe   What are you gonna be for Halloween?  This week, we want to know what you’re dressing up as for Halloween. Send us a photo of your best Halloween costume from years past or tell us about your creative plan for this year, and we may feature you in an upcoming newsletter. Email us here. Stream your local NPR station. Visit NPR.org to find your local station stream. What do you think of today's email? We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions and feedback: LifeKit@npr.org Enjoying this newsletter? Forward to a friend! They can sign up here. Looking for more great content? Check out all of our newsletter offerings — including Daily News, Code Switch, Health and more! You received this message because you're subscribed to Life Kit emails. This email was sent by National Public Radio, Inc., 1111 North Capitol Street NE, Washington, DC 20002 Unsubscribe  |  Privacy Policy