This week’s newsletter is brought to you by Life Kit producer Clare Marie Schneider
Clockwise from top left: Edele Brennan, Beth Fadely, Linda Smith, Jason Bauerschmidt, Marie Hernandez
My friend’s dog recently died. For years, wherever she went, her cheerful Rottweiler, Rose, followed. I struggled to imagine seeing my friend, who took care of Rosie since she was a floppy and sleepy little pup, without her great comfort and companion.
The grief of losing a pet can be immense. Animals can bring meaning to the daily rhythms of life and provide solace (and snuggles) during hard times. To share guidance on how to process and celebrate a beloved pet’s life, Life Kit spoke to Alexander Hardy this summer. Hardy, who works at a creative wellness agency that offers trainings on joy and self care, recently lost his own dog, Papi. Here are some of his tips:
Donate their things to another pet owner. If you’re unsure of what to do with all your pet’s favorite toys, items and food bowls, keep some items to treasure at home, then share them with another pet owner who loves their animal. “Keep that love going,” Hardy says.
Don’t be too quick to get a new pet. “You need to give yourself space to mourn,” says Hardy. So before you start searching Petfinder for the perfect dachshund mix, process the loss and remember: even if you can replace your pet, “every animal is different.”
We also asked you how you’ve coped with the loss of a pet and honored their memory. Here is a selection of your responses:
Write an obituary. I [wrote] what basically amounted to an obituary and [posted] it on social media with a bunch of photos. Going through all his photos was hard but it helped me grieve, and so did writing out my thoughts about him and his life. It forced me to reflect on all the great things about him and appreciate that I was lucky enough to have that time with him. —Patrick Saunders
Grow a memorial garden. My daughter and I constructed a memorial garden, a little patch of wildflowers in our backyard. This year, several sunflowers have survived the raiding squirrels and grown tall, searching out the sun and stretching up toward it. In those flowers I remember [my cat] Sara, and sometimes it doesn't hurt quite as much. —Mena Bingham
Create a day in their honor. On the anniversary of the day we lose a dog, we name the day in their honor. For example, July 26 is "Birdie Day." I take the day off work. I go to my local 24-hour vet clinic and pay for someone's bill and donate supplies, food or treats. And I look for opportunities to do good. —Sheryl Bauerschmidt
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Be honest and concrete: Tips for talking to kids about death. Whether it's a family pet or a loved one, every child will experience a death at some point — and their parents will likely struggle to explain it. We revisit the “Mr. Hooper” episode of Sesame Street, which provides a master class in talking about death and grief with young children. Read the article.
We asked, you answered
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Last week, we asked our audience: What strategies do you use to savor your food? The question was part of a newsletter focused on our podcast episode on mindful eating. Here are a few nifty responses. They have been edited for length and clarity.
A clever trick to buy time Set your food or utensil down between bites of food. —Mary Brownlow
Presentation matters I'm a creative writer and my awareness of sensory input no doubt relates to how I experience eating. I savor food, starting with its presentation as well as the wonderful aromas and textures, individually and in combinations. I enjoy cooking and just generally playing with my food. I often switch up the platters I eat on just to keep things interesting. —Barbara Lane
Switch to chopsticks I eat much slower when I use chopsticks compared to a fork or spoon. Also, chopsticks force you to pay a bit more attention to your food. You have to consider the best way to pick up the item you want in your mouth next. —Peggy Walters
Think of who made your meal possible If I’m eating a salad, I think about where the lettuce, the carrots, the beets and the avocado came from. Where were they grown? Who planted and watered and picked them? Who transported and stocked them in the store, arranging it appealingly? A whole lot of people worked to get my meal to my plate and I thank them and wish them well. —Maggie Hetherington
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How to talk to your parents about their money For many families, there comes a time when it's the kid's turn to take care of their parents. But caretaking is expensive and draining. Make it easier on yourself by talking to your parents ahead of time about their finances, their long-term care plans and their wishes. In this episode, find out how to approach your parents, what to ask them and what to do if they're already experiencing dementia or cognitive decline. Listen to the episode here.
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