🏆 How to lose like a winner

Plus: Tips on practicing self-compassion

View this email online Photo Illustration by Becky Harlan/NPR Friends, This week: a toast to losers everywhere! Yes, you read that correctly. Did that statement set off an allergic reaction? With the Super Bowl just behind us and the sun about to set on the winter Olympics, the headlines are flush with praise for all that is winning. From hometown heroes to unlikely Olympic athletes to repeat gold medalists: it’s common knowledge that everyone wants a taste of golden glory and no one likes the sting of defeat. Many will go to great lengths to avoid it. But losing is inevitable. For most of us, being a loser likely won’t look like falling short of that Olympic podium; but failing and loss and rejection and disappointment – they’re all part of life. So instead of trying to evade an “L” on your forehead at any cost, a better perspective, says author and sports journalist Sam Weinman, is learning to lose well. It’s a common lesson on the playground, he says, that we shouldn’t discount in our everyday adult lives. “How we deal with success and failure in sports or other childhood activities early on can be a precursor to how we might navigate other obstacles later in life,” he writes in his book, Win at Losing: How Our Biggest Setbacks Can Lead to Our Greatest Gains.  “Think of it this way,” Weinman says in our episode on How To Be A Good Loser. “If you can't handle things going awry when the stakes are small, you're in for that much rougher ride when the real challenges start to mount.” Be it a broken heart or a broken ankle before a big race; a rejection email for that job you really wanted; falling short of getting your dream apartment: our reactions to life’s losses really matter. They can impact our relationships, inform our character, or even influence our view on the world. Newsletter continues after sponsor message Winning might lead to medals, but losing – if done right – offers the real prizes: learning and growth. Here are a few takeaways from our episode to help us all be better losers: 😞 Allow yourself to be disappointed: It’s okay to feel upset when you fall short of your expectations – just make sure you acknowledge those feelings and process them in healthy ways, says psychologist Adia Gooden. Often, bad loser energy can be misdirected at other people in the form of anger or blame, or make us hypercritical of ourselves. Instead, practice self-compassion: name your feelings and where they exist in your body, remind yourself that losing is a normal human experience, and treat yourself with a little kindness. ✍️ You can control your narrative: Success isn’t defined simply by wins or losses: just ask Shaun White or Mikaela Shiffrin. Experts say it’s important to approach every experience with a growth mindset. Where those with a fixed mindset will focus only on that final score, growth-minded people believe that effort can lead to mastery and that success is found in what we give of ourselves. As Weinman says, "The great losers are the people who are able to recognize that a loss is just one step in a process. But it doesn't need to be the last step." 💪 Practice losing to build your perseverance muscle: Rejection isn’t easy to deal with, but the more you expose yourself to it, says Jia Jiang, the better off you’ll be. And after his 100 Days of Rejection Project, he would know! He asked strangers for money, for burger refills and for Olympic ring doughnuts. While he dealt with a lot of no’s, he was more surprised by how many doors opened up to him in the process. Expose yourself to small losses, he says, to build perseverance and flexibility. You might be surprised by how much you win, even when you set out to be a loser. Listen to the episode Here’s to us, fellow losers – may we find grace in new stumbles and delight in new sails, wherever they may lead. –Andee Tagle, Life Kit producer   💡 What's a hack that's changed your life? 💡   Send us a note at LifeKit@npr.org or leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823. Your life tip could appear on an upcoming episode of Life Kit or in our video series on Instagram!   Thanks for reading! Look out here for next week's episodes on: 👟 Marathon training | 🧠 Demystifying disability | 🥗 Food substitutions Stream your local NPR station. Visit NPR.org to find your local station stream. What do you think of today's email? We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions and feedback: LifeKit@npr.org Enjoying this newsletter? Forward to a friend! They can sign up here. Looking for more great content? Check out all of our newsletter offerings — including Daily News, Code Switch, Health and more! You received this message because you're subscribed to Life Kit emails. This email was sent by National Public Radio, Inc., 1111 North Capitol Street NE, Washington, DC 20002 Unsubscribe  |  Privacy Policy