💛 It’s OK to not be resilient all the time

Plus, What to say when someone compliments you about it

View this email online Friends, We often applaud people for being resilient. The ability to overcome and adapt to difficult life situations seems like an overwhelmingly positive thing – right? But what if glorifying resilience can actually be detrimental?    In a conversation with TK Dutes, Lourdes Dolores Follins, psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker, reminds us that opportunities to practice resilience stem from hardship. So, the most resilient among us have carried some of the heaviest loads. Often, she says, we conflate resiliency with strength, and that can cover up the bigger, systemic issues causing people’s lives to be so hard.  “We’re constantly imbibing this idea that you got to be strong, you got to be hard, you got to be on a grind all the time,” she says. But words like “strength,” “tenacity” and “resilience” put the onus on the person suffering rather than the environment and systems in which they live.  Listen to the episode Newsletter continues after sponsor message Throwing around words like these reminds me of the senior superlative awards they’d give out in high school – things like “Class Clown,” “Most Likely to Succeed,” “Cutest Couple” – all titles people were eager to win and would tote around with pride. But “Most Resilient” is a badge of honor no one really wants to have to earn. Follins reminds us that it’s OK to crave ease and softness in our lives, and to reject the title of “resilient” as a compliment.   Keep scrolling for our comic, illustrated by NPR's Connie Hanzhang Jin, on how to reframe your relationship with resilience and lean into the emotions underneath.  — Andee Tagle, Life Kit producer Connie Hanzhang Jin/NPR You can listen to the full episode on reframing resilience here.  💌 We want to hear from you 💌  Life Kit has an advice column, and we're looking for your questions and quandaries to share with our experts. Whether it's about family, friendship, work conflict or something else, fill out this form to submit your conundrum anonymously.  💡 What's a hack that's changed your life?  💡   Send us a note at lifekit@npr.org or leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823. Your life tip could appear on an upcoming episode of Life Kit.  If you want more Life Kit, you can listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or browse our article archive here.    Stream your local NPR station. Visit NPR.org to find your local station stream. What do you think of today's email? We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions and feedback: LifeKit@npr.org Enjoying this newsletter? Forward to a friend! They can sign up here. Looking for more great content? Check out all of our newsletter offerings — including Daily News, Code Switch, Health and more! You received this message because you're subscribed to Life Kit emails. This email was sent by National Public Radio, Inc., 1111 North Capitol Street NE, Washington, DC 20002 Unsubscribe  |  Privacy Policy