Real talk — sometimes I’m embarrassed by my home. I try to keep it tidy, but every so often it gets bad: clothes piled everywhere, days-old dishes in the sink and clutter on every flat surface. The mess can lead to negative self-talk. “Why can’t you stay on top of this?” “You’re not allowed to relax until you do the laundry.” Surprise, surprise, this inner dialogue isn’t very motivating and makes me dread cleaning even more.
It’s a negative cycle that therapist KC Davis wants to break. In a recent Life Kit interview, she explained, “Often we clean reactively, as if having to clean our space is a punishment for living in it.” Davis wrote a book called How to Keep House While Drowning, and she wants to reframe the way we view our homes. “You don't exist to serve your space. Your space exists to serve you,” she says.
I felt very seen by this interview, and also inspired, especially by the advice to work with your brain not against it. Davis suggests going about cleaning in a way that makes you feel like you’re moving on a greased track — smoothly and with momentum. For example, laundry can make my wave of motivation wither up and die. Because of this, when I’m tidying up, I’ll put away the clean clothes, but let myself leave the basket of dirty laundry for my next jolt of inspiration. That way I still have the energy to keep going.
Davis tries to limit the risk of getting stuck or distracted, and part of that is her mindset. For her, cleaning isn’t a punishment, it’s a form of self-care. A kindness to your future self. This idea almost makes cleaning feel … indulgent. Fresh sheets? An empty sink? A clean mirror? You deserve it. #TreatYourself. This approach transforms shame into compassion.
If you connect with this ethos as much as I did, you might be interested in Davis’ "Five Things Tidying Method," a framework to get a messy room back to functionality. It’s based on the idea that in any space, there are only five things: trash, dishes, laundry, things that have a place, and things that don't have a place. You can read all about it here.
Give this strategy a try. Approach cleaning gently, with the goal of riding your wave of motivation as long as possible. And guess what. Davis says, “There's no way to fail at this. You do it, and it makes your life better. And then maybe you fall off and then you go, oh yeah, let me pick that tool up again.”
For tips on having the conversation — plus a therapist-patient role play with Life Kit host Marielle Segarra and therapist Moraya Seeger DeGeare — watch the video on YouTube.
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