Grief, guilt and getting through the day

Plus, tips on coping with uncertainty

View this email online Simone Golob/Getty Images Friends, I feel tired.  I feel tired of being scared and sad, and tired by the barrage of terrible headlines, and exhausted by the constant waiting for what’s next, and fatigued by a seemingly ever-present worry for myself and my family and my colleagues and for everyone everywhere.  Also, I feel guilty about these feelings.  It feels trivial, shameful, even, to lament over reading bad news from the comfort of my couch. It feels like I shouldn’t have the right to be upset about anything when other people are losing everything – like I should just be grateful or try to even the playing field somehow.  But it does no good to “should” on yourself, friends. That’s what our episode on dealing with uncertainty teaches us. There is no perfect way to get through a crisis, and grief – including disenfranchised grief – is not a zero sum game. Disenfranchised grief is a term coined by Kenneth Doka to capture a feeling of loss that no one seems to understand and that you don't feel entitled to. Sound familiar? It certainly does to me. Listen to the episode In that episode, Doka says it’s just as important to process these small or abstract losses, because it’s only through acknowledging the effect of these pains that we can work through them to be our best selves for others. And that’s where change always begins. Newsletter continues after sponsor message So if you’re struggling with feelings of grief, or loss, or sadness, or feeling a little frazzled and uncertain this week — you’re not alone. Here are some tips from our episodes on coping with grief and uncertainty, whether you’re going through it yourself, or you want to be there for someone who is:  😔 Grief needs expression: In our episode on grief for beginners, psychologist Sonya Lott says that when you’ve experienced a loss, it’s important to get the grief out however you can. For some, that’s talking to a trusted friend, for others, creating  art or journaling or going to group therapy helps. Whatever it is, if you’re struggling, don’t hide it. And if you want to help someone struggling, reach out – share their stories, watch their videos, ask what they need. 🏃 Move past shame: So much of our lives are out of our control, especially now. Our episode on dealing with uncertainty reminds us that it doesn’t help to get caught up in expectations of how you could or should feel. where your life could or should be. We can’t control our circumstances, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. 💕 Find a “resilience circle”: In times of suffering, it’s easy to feel isolated or alone, or to want to pull away from the world. Instead, reach out. Find friends or family or Facebook groups or friendly librarians. To help others: start those Facebook groups, share the GoFundMe pages, use your network where you can. 🤝 Honor loss with ritual: Our episode on mourning small losses teaches us that while everyone is facing different challenges, it’s important to honor grief where and when you meet it. Therapist David Defoe suggests creating your own rituals if none exist for the thing you’re grieving. That could look like volunteering your time, donating to a cause or just creating space in your day for reflection. Until next week, do what you can with what you have, friends – that’s all any of us can do. –Andee Tagle, Life Kit producer   💡 What's a hack that's changed your life? 💡   Send us a note at LifeKit@npr.org or leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823. Your life tip could appear on an upcoming episode of Life Kit or in our video series on Instagram!   Thanks for reading! Look out here for next week's episodes on:   💗 Birth control | 🤔 Indecision | 🧠 Workplace mental health Stream your local NPR station. Visit NPR.org to find your local station stream. What do you think of today's email? We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions and feedback: LifeKit@npr.org Enjoying this newsletter? Forward to a friend! They can sign up here. Looking for more great content? Check out all of our newsletter offerings — including Daily News, Code Switch, Health and more! You received this message because you're subscribed to Life Kit emails. This email was sent by National Public Radio, Inc., 1111 North Capitol Street NE, Washington, DC 20002 Unsubscribe  |  Privacy Policy